"Shut up, Mr. Burton. You are not put upon this earth to 'get it'."

Month: July, 2012

Dreams are free, motherfucker

Last night I had a dream in which I sang KC and the Sunshine Band’s “I’m Your Boogie Man” to a woman I had loved in high school.

In the morning, I half expected to be served with a notice of copyright infringement.


Extraterrestrial intelligence

If there are alien civilizations more advanced than ours, we may be certain that they use their unimaginable technology to adore their domesticated species.

There are 200,000,000 cats in the world. I have the best one.

This is Jones.



She was named after a different Jones.


My Jones is the best cat in the world.

A bold claim! But look again.


I mean, holy shit. How fucking awesome is this cat?

But perhaps you demand additional proof. I have it.

When I lay down in bed at night, Jones comes into the bedroom, jumps up on the bed, and lays down next to me with our faces less than an inch apart – “breathing each into the other’s nostrils”*.

When I drifted awake at 2:30 AM this morning, I was laying on my back. Jones was settled in the crook of my arm.